Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My vagina is officially offended.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
