Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
