He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
