just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
COCAINE IS GR8
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
