Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
