My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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