she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
