I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
