I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
