I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
