Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My vagina is officially offended.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
