You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
