Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My vagina is officially offended.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
