Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
