saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
