Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
