Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
