so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
