Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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