You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I enjoy the company of your penis
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
