We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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