Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
