I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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