Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
