Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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