I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
