I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
