I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
