just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
