the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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