If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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