My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
