Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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