Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
