if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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