So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
