I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
