who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
