Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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