I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
