Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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