Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
