i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
