I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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