i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
