I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
