Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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