uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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