it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
