There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
