Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
