Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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