even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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