Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
porn star boner night. come get it.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize
