my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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