Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
