Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
