OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
your room smells of hookers.
And success
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
