Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
