A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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