Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
