sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
