he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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