we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
