I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize