I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
