this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
