sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
