Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I faked an abortion last night.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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