im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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