I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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