maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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