Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
