Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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