I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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