We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
