so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
